The "almost four years" story

It wasn’t started from me. It was you offering me something one day. The day where finally I decided to pay attention to you more.

Yes it was me who finally decided want to know you more. Don’t blame me if I’m good in research ;p, able to utilize the technology ;p and finally know you more than I expected. I even never imagine I would be come that far.

Don’t blame me if then I become kind of obsessed. It was you who never “appreciate” what I’ve “done”. I know all of them were so absurd and questionable, but Hey…! I was trying hard there. With all of the idiocy and strength I have off course…;p

Yes it was me that after quiet a long time, after I thought I’ve healed from all of those things, suddenly want to know what’s up with you. I was not that serious at that moment. I thought I did it just to kill my time.

It was not my fault off course. That I find out you worked in the same city with me. Worked so close in my world and place, met you again in exactly the same moment and condition just like the old stuff. I never asked for being that close to you. This life brought me there. I even cried every night for living my life at that moment. I didn’t think that way of life is a blessed. Even that way of life made me like “closer” to you. It was life that put me there. Giving me kind of hope, imagination, wishes that made me thought you are worth to fight.

I gave my effort! Just to make you remember all of the old stuff. I went further to your world. Know more, more and more. I got a sad news one day. Sad news that made me decided to went away from this craziness. But it didn’t stay long. Cause my heart could not stop singing! It told me to fight and enjoy these craziness. And I won! You changed and she gave up. Ahahhahaha…. Seemed like my doubt was answered. I thought it was me who changed you;p Ahahahhah…What a brave thought. Okay the truth was “I hope it was me who changed you”.

I kept that hope. Become more serious this time. Cause this feeling started driving my crazy! I want to make it clear. What is in your head actually. I prayed. I wanted to finish this craziness and made it become a real fun and worth story. I prayed. I prayed, prayed and prayed.

HE gave me the answer. It wasn’t me. It was her… The other “her”.

A part of me told me to still fight. But the other part told me it’s over. And deep down I know yes… It’s over.

Almost 4 years I guess. God allow me to keep you in my mind. Although now I’m not sure. Was it with HIS permission or just me that so stubborn… But this heart can’t stop singing at that moment. That’s the only reason I have…

Is this just a way to the other story? Or is this just a story of life that teach me and strengthen me?

Yes it wasn’t me. And deep down in my heart I know. It’s over….
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Dan dengan bodohnya masi pengen nyanyi “ looking back the way we first met. I can not escape and I can not forget. Baby you’re the one. You still turn me on. You can make me whole again…”

S.T.A.R

Lagi ngoprek2 koleksi lagu lama terus ketemu lagu ini. Jadi inget ama filmnya yg uda lmyn jadul.hehhehe

When I tried to hear this song carefully, some words missed :(. I admitted that I’m not that excellent in listening, hehhehe… Ngerasa sayang krna kynya kata2nya bagus benjet, I tried to search for the lyrics and… emang ga salah. Baguuuusss BGT!

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What cha wanna be - when you grow up
What cha gonna do - when your time is up
What cha gonna say - when things go wrong
What cha wanna do - when you're on your own
There's a road - long and winding
The lights are blindin' - but it gets there
Don't give up - don't look back
There's a silver linin' - it's out there somewhere
Everybody wants an answer - everybody needs a friend
We all need a shinin' star on which we can depend
N' so tonight we're gonna wish upon a star We never wished upon before - (to find what you'reLooking for)
There'll be times - in your lifeYa when you' be dancin' n' shit - but you ain't gettin it
But don't get disillusioned - no, don't expect too much'
cause if what you have is all you can get - just keep on Tryin' - it just ain't happened yet
Everybody wants ta be winner - everybody has a dream
We all need a shinin' star when things ain't what they seem
So tonight we're gonna wish upon a star We never wished upon before - (gotta get where you'reHeaded for)
Everybody wants some kindness - everybody needs a break
We all need a shinin' star when things get hard to take
So tonight we're gonna wish upon a starWe never wished upon before
*STAR>> Bryan Adams*
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Beautiful songs! Emang hidup bgitu bukan? ;p

That’s life honey… FACE IT!!

You ruin my plans, take away all of my dreams, make them not part of me anymore!!!
Yaa..ya… But I don’t’ think I ever promise you to make all of them come true, so I don’t owe anything, right?
……………..

You turn my life to the different direction, so far far away from my first thought!!!
Emmm…. Still…. I never promise you that I will keep your way stays like your first thought… Am I right?
……………..

You shocked me with everything happened in my life everyday, seems like something worse has been prepared behind the doors and ready to show up every single day!!!
Oh dear… Should I repeat it? I never promise you that you will never face any difficulties and your day will be free of the them, right?
…………..

Life owe you nothing. If you fight and fight for your dreams and thought, it’s just part of your story of life. Be thankful when the story ends like your version, and just face it when it ends in different version. ‘Cause that’s life honey.. Face it!! :)

LET'S CALL IT "DILEMMA"

Anak – anak jalanan, anak – anak pengemis, atau apapun lah sebutan buat mereka. Kayanya udah bukan pemandangan yang asing yah? Ga cuman terbatas di sidewalk, jembatan or stasiun2 doang. Tapi dimana ada keramaian, pasti biasanya banyak anak2 ini ikt mencari nafkah (yah..kecuali ditempat rame kaya mall2 kali yah… apa lagi mall nya GI, PS, PI, Pacific Place, dkknya).
What do you fell when they beg for some money from you? Jujurly yahh (dengan jujur maksudnya ;p) I feel so sorry for them. But I really do not like the idea of giving them some money. Sometimes I almost cry while seeing them beg for some money, but give them the money just makes them stick to that job. Yaahhh..become a begger. Their parents or “their boss”, whoever they are, will think that these children are prospective commodity to collect the money, and I have a contribution to bring it to reality if I give them that money. Biasanya aku siasati dengan beliin makanan aja. Biar mreka abisin lgs disitu n ga usah bagi2 ke yang nyuruh mreka ngemis. Yups..! I have a strong point here, and I stick to that opinion until that day….

Yups..hari itu dimulai dengan rencana untuk menghindari suatu acara reuni (upppss..), mulai lah membuat berbagai macam rencana untuk mengisi wiken (biar ada alesan…). Rencana awalnya mo ke Lembang mpe tangkuban, sayangnya orang2 lg pd sibuk ngumpulin duit smua. Sbtu pada msk smua. Ckk..ck Ini busy season kpn beresnya ya? Ya sudah.. nekat lah jalan sndiri aja Lembang. Ternyata eh ternyata… ndak dpt travel ajya… Adanya klo uda rada isangan..yaaaahhh.. Ya sutra hbgin yang laen, eh.. mau tes buat S2 ceunah… deeeeuuu.. gmn ini? Ya sudah lah.. jalan sndiri aja…

Bermodalkan pengetahuan yang pas2 soal rute busway, ya uda ke kota tua aja. Kan banyak objek foto tuh.. ?? klo dah kpanasan tggl msk museum.
Sperti biasa, naek taksi dl mpe halte polda, lanjut naek busway mpe Kota. Hahhahah…sdkit stupid emang. Tp berhubung Kuningan itu adanya di koridor empat sementara butuhnya naiuk koridor satu, ya sudah lah sdkt menempuh jalan stupid demi kenyamanan gpp kan yaaa.

Waktu di depan museum Fatahillah, ada seorang anak kecil, mukanya aja dah bikin sedih kali. Trus tagannya dikepal, biar duit seribuan yang ada beberapa lembar ditangannya itu ndak jatuh.. Dia sibuk lari sono sini buat maintain duit ke orang2 yg dtg. Duitnya sampe sempat jatuh malah.. Kasiaaaannnn bgt ngeliatnya.. Tp no! I will not give her even only one hundred rupiah! Ntar nyokabnya makin senang nyuruh dia kerja. Tanggung jwb ortu dong buat banting tulang! Anak sekecil itu kok disuruh minta2..

Masi bisa cuek ne critanya, sampe pas lg ngaso dilapangan Fatahillah. Banyak anak2 kecil pengemis gt lagi lari2.. Trus mreka teriak2..”Kak foto kak…foto kak..”. Waahhh dengan senang hati… Ga lama kmudian jadi lah aku dikerubutin ama skitar 10 anak dannnn… mreka minta duit. Waduh..emang mentalnya uda kebentuk buat minta2 yahhh. Tapi sempat ngobrol2 didkit. Kebanyakan si mreka orangtuanya kerja sebagai pemulung. Katanya tiap dapaet suit hsl minta2 dikasi ke ortunya. Walopun bias aja dikasi ke “boss” nya. Alias org2 ga berperasan yang mengeksploitasi mreka. Mreka smuanya masi sekolah.. Tp sambilan ngemis. Didatangin satu muka memelas si masi tahan, tapi dikelilingin 10 mula memelas mo gmn lagi? Mana ada yang masi kecil bgt lagi.. Akhirnya ga tahan jg. Aku kasi mreka 20rb. Trus suruh bagi2. Pesannya: pake buat beli makanan aja yah.. Jangan dikasi ke bos ato sapapun itu yang nyuruh mreka kerja. And..you know what happened??? They just so happy! Sampe lari2… Mgkn hepinya mreka biasa aja kali.. Tapi mgkn krna akhir2 ini slalu berhadapan ama org yg susah dipuaskan, n ndak ngeharagain usaha yg uda dikasi selayaknya (loohhh jd curcol), waktu ngeliat mreka hepi dengan tulus kok kayanya adeeeeemm bgt. Pdhal itu kan cuman 20rb? Klo bagi rata paling cuman dpt 2rb satu org. tapi dah bias bikin mreka se hepi itu? Tiba2 aja sushi yang jd menu aku makan tadi siang brasa mahal bgt. Pdhal waktu bayar 60 rb (x2 krna sin eng nong sendang minta traktir!) untuk 8 potong sushi imut2 jadi brasa mahal amat yah… Apa jadinya klo duit sgitu dikasi mreka…

Saatnya pulang! Waktu lwt jembatan bawah tanah buat naik busway, ktemu yang lebih menyedihkan lagi. Bener2 keterlaluan! Anak masi bayi, ditidurin di tangga, ditemanin dua kakaknya yang masi kecil juga. Tegaaaaaaa!!!! Beda dengan anak2 yang di Fatahillah, anak yang ini mukanya jauh lebih sedih. Sebut aja namanya Koko. Kt Koko, yang bayi ama anak kecil yg satu lagi itu adik kandungnya dia. Org tuanya miskin bgt. Jadi dia disuruh ngemis gt buat bantuin. Itu emaknya yang nyuruh!! Waduh gat au de benar pa ga. Dia sendiri masi kelas empat. Klo adiknya yang satu blm sekolah. Yang bayi lupa umur brp bln. Yang paling bikin sedih when I asked him one stupid question: suka ga disuruh kerja begini? Jwbnnya ga bikin kaget si.. Wajar aja dia bilang ga suka. Tp cara dia jwb itu. Bener2 nunjukin klo dia sbnrnya sedih bgt and malu disuruh ngemis dgn cara gini. Dan akhirnya, I gave him some money. Ga banyak2 tentunya. Ntar emaknya kesenengan lagi! Trs de disuruh dia ngemis! But, definitely can not forget them. Koko ama adik2nya. I went home with strange feeling that day. Realise, pasti masi banyak2 lagi Koko2 yang laen diluar sono. Mgkn kondisinya bahkan lebih menyedihkan. And I don’t know what will I do when I meet them. Just pass them/buy some foods? (how if there are no food store there)? Or maybe gave thyem some money like what I’ve done today? I don’t know.. Give them or not? Give them or not..? Give them or not?? Let’s call it a dilemma!!

AWAY DAY

Started with “chaos” situation for these last two years (hahahhahaa…) and continued with very chaos situation for these last few months (hihihihii…), I finally decided that I desperately need some “away days”, and…tarrraaa… the universe offered their helps ;p. No client’s booking, approved annual leave, right at the day of my birthday. You can not ask more… Yippiiee!! So let’s do some flashback. Better that great if I could turn back to the certain time, try to remember what I thought at that moment, and how far they “become me” now.


March 1st, 2009
15.30: OBC Guest house
I thougt it’s the same room. Yups same room when me and my mom stayed in Bandung for few days two years ago. Planned to attend one of the job test but ended with packed my stuff in boarding house because of that call. Yahh..the call that told me that I was accepted in PwC. I still remember how she hugged me when I back to the guest house. What was I thinking at that moment?........ And now?....... Do I still thankful right now for something that I really thankful at that moment? I’ve got the answers. Let me keep them for my self

17.10: GII Dag0
I still amazed.. This church always make me feel mellow. When I looked at the choir, the priest, the interior..oh gosh..kind of flash back huh? Every Sunday morning at 7.30, it was one of my routine activities that most of the time I just did it by my self. Alone! What was I thinking at that moment?........ And now?....... I’ve got the answers. Let me keep them for my self. Obviously, I still haunted for a few years next.


18.30: Superindo Dago
Hahahaha.. One of the oldest memories I think. This is my favorite place for monthly shopping when I still don’t have my own income;p. So happy when it come the first week in every month, means I got my monthly “salary” from my mom and use it for shopping. After shopping, just across the street, and another place I love; the Christian book store. But it was not open off course. It was closed every Sunday. Shopping in Superindo?? How can it be so special? Hahha.. I know.. It’s a very very simple thing. Something that I even lazy to do it right now but it was so fun at that moment. Life changes right? Hhahah.. I was so thankful for it at that moment, and honestly I should be feeling the same way right now. Thankful for the simple thing…


Close this day
Aaarrggg I’m getting fat and lazy. Walking from Gandok to campus, it was not a problem for me when I still in college. But now??? Oh God… This fat “kills” me! Yeaahh I always walk at that moment. “Ojeg” was banned from my life. But now “ojeg” is one of my best friends. What was I thinking at that moment?........ And now?....... I’ve got the answers. Let me keep them for my self.
After almost two years, finally I ate that “nasi padang” again. That was the favorite place for dinner or even lunch at the last semester. The most “impressive” semester. Hahhahah..


March 2nd, 2009
My birthday! Thanks for all the birthday wishes. But I started to remember the office things. Yaaah..morning call and the messages from the office’s friend just remind me to all “those” stuff. Honestly, those kind of ruined my day..:( However, I must still on the track. Creambath, shopping, look for the GMAT book, walked along Ganesha street (remind me the routine check up at Baromeus for my teeth), BIP, Gramedia….one day is not enough actually. There are still so many places with their own story. Ouuuw…Why that office things still haunted my mind this day? Arrrrggghhh




March 3rd, 2009

My last day. Breakfast at MiJak alone. Something I never did before, and then walked around Ciumbuleuit atas alone! I used to do it with Maya or Monik in college time. Looked at the fancy houses, started to dream and then spoke about our planning after finish the college. What was I thinking at that moment?........ And now?....... How far those dreams become part of me now? I’ve got the answers. Let me keep them for my self:)

E.N.V.Y

On them who walk and bring that "form". When will be my turn??

On them who laugh and tell the others that they had a good sleep last night. Hwuaaammmm....
When was the last time?

Ouw...ouw... so e.n.v.y...

Ouuuwww... Like I care..!!

She looked at me and and spoke cynically..... Ouww... like I care..!

He told me that was good actually....Ouw..like I care..! It wasn't that worth to me.

It's tough.. You always look for some difficulties, right?... Ouww...like I care?? They've been with me for a long...long...time...

Have you made it?? .... Ouw...like I care..! I just want to have a good sleep.

Do you think I care?