It was summer holiday and my arrival was the same day for the
market day, means Delft was quite crowded when I arrived. As Delft was the
first city I spend quite a lot of time with, I just can’t avoid while that
“let’s have a little contemplation” thought came across my mind. Crap!! I was
so busy with some special moments indeed. First time I’m having 13
hours flight, first time I meet my nephew (and also my brother and his wife
after these 2 years). Visiting this continent has become my bucket list since I
was a kid. When I finally made it, it just feels not so real. And this city
just make it perfect with the church’s bell ringing every thirty minutes. Owhhh.
That happy feeling was combined with the urge to answer few questions. Just two
questions actually but ohww I was totally crapply overloaded (yeah I know
crapply is not an English word; p)
Preparing this trip actually kind of drained my energy. Most of
bcoz I was too paranoid and not worked on it in most efficient way: D The visa
was the most exhausted one to prepare. I really manage the “appearance” of my
bank account (yes, I was too paranoid), prepare all documents in a
perfect way (I several time changed the wording of the invitation letter from
my brother) not to mention also the weekends I spent to prepare
the itinerary and “how to get there” things. But what can I say I still love
it. Even all of those stuff really drained my energy I just love it.
Spending quite a lot of time almost every day eating my favorite
50 cents ice cream while watching ducks swimming or people passing by (there
are a lot of ducks in Delft “rule” the canal; p) I kind of disturbed with those
two questions. I kind of ignored them. I really don’t want to live that “too much
thinking” way of life anymore. This past one year I decided to live my life in
a simple decent way. Not in hurry preparing the most important step to take. I’ve been
so tired in last few years finding a way to escape from my routines. And when
finally I still cannot completely escape from it, I just decided to take a deep
breath for a while. I need my time. But these questions seems like warned me
that the time is up. Still I didn’t want to respond it. They haunted my first
four days in Delft and I still become an ignorant person. I left Delft on the
day fourth to explore another city with those questions still haunting. Deep
down I heard my self softly sayin’ “If only I live the days as passionate as I
prepare this trip”
Back home to Delft and spending the last ten days without my
family at home gives much time to reminisce the last 11 days. These last few
months I should deal with that LATE
quarter life crisis bull*h*t thing that I was so hard covering it below the
surface. But these last eleven days experience really helps me to see
everything from the different view. Simple reminder to remind me that work is
one of the essences of life. Whether you like it or not, that’s just how it
supposed to be. Many people I met remind
me how colorful this life originally. That I may have thousand reason to
criticize my self and using the “If...” word so many times but there are also
millions of reason to see how colorful this life and the joy embedded with it. Because
life has been colorful from the beginning. It may offer not only my favorite color
but also series of I don’t like. But the bad color just complete the color I
love so everything won’t become dull. I look back the old times, I think I should be so thankful and proud for everything I've been through. If I don't like something I should put all of my efforts to change it. But when finally I still can't change it, I just need to accept it.
For the first time while I’m traveling, I have that willingness to come back home soon. I want to celebrate what life brings. I want to make a peace
with my self. I want to celebrate those colors. All off them. Not only few of
them. First time I made a decision for “I want to travel” NOT “I want to
escape” :) :)
